i sat in one place long enough
the sun finally got to me. the
crack in the curtains had to be
just right. perfect branches of
the tree slightly bent in a breeze.
i sat watching my shadow
grow. i was pierced by rays that
left no scars. a flame shinned
within me. a voyeur was speaking
in my weakened ears. i heard more
than i wanted to. i kept my eyes half
closed. the light was too intense. i
saw things i never wanted to see. my
shame was erased. murder and love
kissed. the faceless tangled their
tongues on meaningless words of
common conversation. i walked a
thousand miles to nowhere and back
again. i bathed in a river of heat. i was
a wanted man, guilty of nothing. the
moon will pass and take me to a
different place tonight. i will
accidently see shimmering stars.
all of it because of absolutely nothing.
i sat in one place long enough
if i had wings, i would join
crows in the corn, be a blue
jay at war with cooper’s hawk,
sing a chant with black-capped
chickadees. i will learn the secrets
of the thunderbirds. an epiphany
of lightning leading my way. i will
seek liberation from the chains
of the sky. i will feast in the rain,
as ruby throated hummingbirds
hide. i will drain the vocabulary from
my brain. the spirit of the sparrow
will rest in my heart. my name will
mean less to angels than the tibetan
bunting. i will not fear the badger,
the weasel, the fox, or the owl. i have
abandoned my nest for now.
it started with lou reed, lots
of liquor, and weed. i knelt
at the altar of a thousand
white crosses. iggy pop and
the clash were always in the
mix. the enemy would arrive
in an hour or two. the next
morning we’d be fishing in
mud puddles. rolling naked
in the cattails of carter lake.
no second guessing this fate
of biblical bliss. we didn’t fear
the stage or the dancers. we
were content being april fools.
mavericks among men. he was
the ambiguous beauty of the
dandelion. fully and completely
awakened. we crashed into drag
queens. slammed in basements
of 33rd and california street. he
took off my red shoes, pulled my
green pants down. the
unmitigated conception of the
tangled comfort of arms and
legs. our jumping bean hearts
were satisfied. someday we’d
crawl through the dessert and
then to the sea.
is it more frequent remembering
who i am, or who i was? i am a
voyeur of myself. in the mirror he
stands naked. i’ve watched his cock
proud and his balls bleeding. i forget
if i comb my hair to the right, or to
the left. i’ve watched him sleeping
with crows. i dream of his one night
stands of mercy. my palms are
blistered from his love. his voodoo
heart beats inside me. rattles me
with petrified bones and protects me
with bullet proof thunder. he has
taken my tongue and twisted my
words. i have denied christ a
thousand times. juiced my veins with
his blood. i violate myself with violent
concern. i’m his bridge over holy
water, flowing like a drunken fool. he
allows me to burn and free to sail in
fields of amber. he rides wild horses
across the sky. i chase him through
the clouds. he is privileged to my
birthright. my shallow eyes. my
long-winded blather. my inconsistent
brilliance. i will love him tomorrow
and hate him more than yesterday.
we’re always kissing.
we share a kiss first thing in the morning.
followed by a “good morning,”
even if it isn’t.
brushing my teeth
he comes in
and shakes my dick a couple times.
kisses my cheek and returns
to his oatmeal.
he comes back,
pisses with an evil grin and
flushes. he likes watching me
dance in the shower from
electric shock of scalding water
turning freezing cold.
i scream, “you son of a bitch!”
he peeks in and apologizes with a kiss.
i know he’s not sorry.
in the kitchen the dogs line up
to kiss me. each earns their biscuit,
and a scratching behind their ears.
i kiss my love goodbye and leave for work.
ten miles from home i can’t remember if we kissed goodbye.
he texts me we did.
i have a satisfied mind for the day.
driving home all i can think of is my tired bones,
mindlessly singing with dylan on blown speakers.
he greets me at the door with a kiss.
he says, “you hungry”
i’m starving. it smells great.
i kiss him for making my favorite.
hamburgers and french fries.
afterward he kisses me, rubs my belly,
“you get enough?”
i’m stuffed. i love his hamburgers.
and kiss him.
wednesday night is our favorite tv night.
we never miss wednesday tv night.
we record it because we always end up making out.
putting our tongues in each other’s holes.
finishing in each other’s pants.
i get ready for bed by going to the bedroom
to turn on the electric blanket.
we’re already naked. we sleep naked.
our kiss goodnight is always the same.
it has to be, that is the rule.
we kiss, we touch the tips of our tongues.
he kisses my third eye. i kiss his.
at the same time we say, “i love you.”
we have no need to dream.
i cannot ignore
this fog, heavy
as steel. eating
the trees. hiding
the sky. it abuses
my early morning
sun. scarlet tanagers
have lost their
voice. this ghost
grey. will my
his way? will
his marrow heal
my dazzled eyes?
he’s the genesis
of my vigor. i
will not deny
his rain. my
of adam’s ale.
i mean no
disrespect to the
of winter, the
idle ways of
summer, or the
of the harvest.
i am happy
this air, to
wait on this
to feed the
of my beast.