i am catholic

i am catholic
by coincidence
or convenience not.
baptized by the dark,
a bloody mary mistress
hangs in my thoughts.
an unperfected stranger
i pretend to be.
nailed to myself
by my memories,
flickering in flames,
reflecting from
sarcastic candles.
stop the floundering
of the watchtower,
the unforgiving shadow
that stands empty,
over me.
my prerogative
for evidence,
spills from my spirit.
not afraid of the wind
i listen for not.
to smiles i hear
a crystal emotion.
i decide my time
between herbs and tea,
of basil and sage.
pregnant blasphemy
is a worthy jazz
i listen for.
and a broken lock
i enter through,
to a holy rose
i taste the thorn.
i roll away the stone
of a disjointed history,
of intercourse between
temporary sleep, and
when i dance
in the sand of
where i wish to be.
with tears of joy
i lose time and space
in a panic attack,
the least of these
will be a masterpiece
confused by the rain
of the desert,
where i mingle with
the unsavory ones,
and the blessed,
ones with vows,
chained to be keepers
of the heart.
i swallow hard
the sacredness of it,
i laugh to my knees,
i bow as a buddhist
in protest against god,
and leonard cohen music.
in jest my revolution
of myself not,
yet weary i am
if easier it would be,
than the thorn.

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