i’ll call you

i am a very

popular guy.

people call

me all the time.

they say, “hello,

bob.” “i think

bob is dead,”

i say. “we  got

this number

a month ago.

please remove

my number

from your

calling list.”

“how safe

do you feel

in your home today,

sir?” he says.

“we will be in your


thursday installing

home security.”

i said “bob put

in booby traps,

he’s dead. don’t

call me again.”

once a month

she will call to

tell me they

will have a

truck in the

area on monday.

“do you have

any old stuff

to give away

to help old

dogs.” i say,

“sure,” and

hang up. i will

forget, i’m an

old dog. she

will call again

next month. she

always does.

someone calls

to tell me

some republican

doesn’t believe

in a living wage,

but loves jesus.

he would

appreciate my

vote tuesday.

i’m a buddhist.

i don’t give a

damn but i

always vote.

bill collectors

are always


they will wake

me up from a

nap. that always

leaves me pissed

off for the rest

of my day off.

i don’t have a

lot of friends

that call or they

would be enemies.

i have enemies.

i tell them,

“larry’s dead.

we got this

number a

month ago.”

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