authority on everything

thinking i will know what i’m

waiting for when i see it, i sit

here naked in the bitter cold

and wait. some are waiting

on a second coming of christ,

some are waiting on chemo to

kill their cancer before it kills

them. some are waiting for

supper, some are waiting at a

bus stop, some are waiting to die

in a war.

waiting makes me afraid of

myself. there is sadness in my

veins that hardens my heart. i

don’t know what i am willing

to do. one by one i take cigarette

butts from the ashtray and drop

them into an empty  brown bottle.

i know i am crippled by hate. not

willing to shut the fuck up because

i have been waiting a very long time.

i am a troublemaker.

tormented by invisible spiders

that hide behind my eyes. they trick

me into seeing evil as something

good. paradise is always two miles

further away. i should know better,

i have waited through many twilights

of to many seasons. i have answered

to many temptations that knocked at

my door. they are not what i’ve been

waiting for, i will know it when i see it.

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